Ahhhhh shit! Relly is BACK with the second installment to his prolific “140 Characters Wasn’t Enough” series. Today’s topic: “Gas Lights & Luxury Raps Don’t Mix” And GO!
Welcome to another edition of 140 Characters Wasn’t Enough. Where the women have pretty feet, the lemonade is simply raspberry and the gas prices are sky fuckin’ high. We all are going through the gas struggle right now and the shit is out of control b. Absolutely nothing is more stressful than that gas light coming on, shining vividly right in your face. Then you gotta do that slow miserable stroll inside of the gas station to ask for $20 on pump 4. Yeah, 20 dollars, anything less than that makes you look like a refugee. Now a nigga like me? I stretch out the struggle and ride around with my gas light on until I feel like my safety’s in danger. That’s when your gas needle is BELOW E, fuckin’ lower case e. At that point your car’s not even riding on fuel anymore just hopes and dreams.
Now when you’re on E and that gas light is gleaming with that day ruining glow, there’s certain artists you can NOT listen to. If your gas tank is empty you can’t hear Rick Ross spittin’ lines like “I’m At The Car Lot…I’m Going Broke!” NIGGA WE AT THE GAS STATION GOING BROKE! This nigga’s rapping about quarter kilos and I aint even got a quarter tank. NAH YO. You hear lines like that while your gas light is on you just want to kill yourself b. But I came up with a perfect solution to get us through this gas price pain and agony. Here are the type of artists you should be listening to, depending on the level of your gas tank. Walk with me
Full Tank Rappers: Jay-Z, Rick Ross & Kanye West
Rappers like these are your WORST enemies when your gas tank is on E. These 3 artists rap about the type of lavishness the average tax paying citizen will NEVER experience. It’s only safe to listen to these 3 in the car if you’re over a half tank. Anything less than that will lead to depression and possibly suicidal thoughts. Trust me fam, you do NOT wanna hear Jay-Z rapping about riding around with his top down in the winter while your gas needle is damn near pointing south. If your gas light is on, STAY AWAY FROM THESE 3!
Half Tank Rappers: Fabolous, Lloyd Banks & Cam’ron
These type of artists are pretty much right in between. They rap about the type of lifestyle a regular nigga will probably never see and the basic shit anybody could pretty much relate to. Still, listening to these type of rappers on anything less than a half tank is pretty goddamn dangerous. If Beamer Benz or Bentley came on while you’re cruising through the avenues and boulevards on an empty tank, you’re gonna wanna crash into a fuckin’ wall. When I heard Cam say he has whips on his fist, houses on his wrist and my budget his neck?? I wanted to leave my car at the gas station and start selling crack immediately. Lines like that comimg through your stereo system while your going through the fuel drought will make you reevaluate your whole entire life b. Stay Away!
Quarter Tank Rappers: Wiz Khalifa, Curren$y & J. Cole
Rappers like this are your best friends during these harsh times. They all pretty much rap about everything the average presentable black man with a full time job and a dental plan can do. Getting high, getting drunk, fuckin niggas bitches. You know, Nigga shit. This is the type of shit I ride out to because I’m the spokesperson for that quarter tank life. The quarter tank playlist has been in rotation for about 18 months. Gas is almost 5 dollars a gallon b. A quarter tank is just enough to get me to work, the sidechick’s crib and back home, I’m GOOD!
Gas Light Rappers: Beanie Sigel, Joe Budden & Styles P
These niggas make that absolute pain and struggle music b. That low tire pressure music. That one headlight out music. That fuckin’ check engine light music! If you’re living ANY of these type of struggles these are the type of rappers that are here for you. Beanie Sigel’s What Ya Life Like? track is the empty tank ANTHEM. Hearing a nigga rap about life in prison will immediately make that gas light being on not feel so bad. Hearing niggas struggling worse than you is guaranteed to get you through those gas light woes.
Aight, there you have it. I just laid out the gas tank level musical blueprint for you niggas. Live by this and your self esteem will remain the same as the gas prices rise. Wait, almost forgot about the people without cars. There’s Papoose, Hell Rell & Drag-On for you guys. They make that cold blooded bus pass music, that’s PERFECT for y’all. Well I gotta get outta here. I’m on a mission to get one of the girls I follow pregnant before summer and time is ticking b. Yall be cool how yall be cool.
Oh and remember, if you wake up in the morning and you got the wrist band from the club still on you a hoe….#FACT