140 Characters Wasn’t Enough: Don’t Let Your Girlfriend’s Favorite Artist Follow Her

September 16, 2011 |  by  |  140 CHARACTERS WASN'T ENOUGH, COMEDY

If you follow Joe Budden, Yaris and/or Trey Songz? You saw ALL of this transpire before your very eyes. If not? Relly’s entry will explain the blunt of why it’s not safe for your girl’s favorite artist to follow her. Happy Friday!

This topic is way too real for the usual introduction. I gotta dive in and get directly to the point immediately. On Monday, September 12th 2011, I witnessed the most the horrifying shit, that could possibly happen to any man in a relationship. I saw with my own eyes, Trey Songz @ Joe Budden’s girlfriend, and comment on her picture. It wasn’t your ordinary picture comment either, the nigga said “Phenomenal” with a series of suspenseful dots at the end, like he whispered it. He still had 130 characters of thirst left to use too, but Trey knew what he was doing, this shit was professional calculated thirst. It appeared to be harmless, but this one single tender 10 letter word, put fear inside of every guy who has a girlfriend with a Twitter account. Joe Budden is lucky he has a verified check and an in ground heated pool, because if this happened to a regular dude, it would’ve been a WRAP. Let the nigga that claims he “Invented Sex” @ my girl and call her phenomenal, I’m catching a body b.

How could you possibly compete with your girl’s favorite R&B artist, commenting on a twitpic she uploaded? You can’t! The whole entire relationship would be soaked in shambles after that. The more attention a chick gets from celebs on Twitter, the less her man matters to her. If you think your girl is still gonna put up with your shit while her favorite R&B artist is following her….think again. You think a singer that goes by the name, “Mr. Steal Your Girl” gives a fuck about your relationship b? HELL NO. Once these shirtless, high note hittin’ R&B niggas find your girl’s page, and press down on that follow button, it’s closed curtains for you. Her self confidence and cockiness will be at brand spankin’ new heights, that you won’t be able to control. Watch how provocative her twitcons become, after the man that sings her favorite songs, starts following her. Her clothes will get tighter, skirts will be higher, and her text messages will be shorter. Once a good girl gets followed by a verified check, she’s gone forever. If her dream is to meet her favorite R&B artist, a follow back from them only puts her one step closer.

A few years ago, a famous R&B artist having access to your girlfriend was down right impossible. But now? Twitter actually made the shit a TOTAL possibility. There’s thirst going on outside no woman is safe from. And if that thirst is coming from somebody who has a bundle of slow songs in your baby momma’s iPod, say goodbye to the kids. You thought your girl’s ex calling her drunk, after listening to “Marvin’s Room” was scary? Just imagine her and her favorite R&B artist, cuddling in that DM inbox. The thought of niggas like, Chris Brown, Drake or Trey Songz, sending private messages to my girl is absolutely bone chilling. After Trey Songz cut those NBA Live created player braids off, every nigga held his girl closer. They know that their girlfriend would leave them in the rear view mirror for him, if they had the opportunity. I was at the Soul Tape show at SOB’s on Wednesday, and Fab brought this cutthroat menace out on stage. My date handed me her drink, went ballistic, and completely forgot all about me. When he hit the stage, every chick’s boyfriend in the venue became totally nonexistent in a matter of seconds. The shit was unbelievable b. If your girl goes crazy for her favorite singer in front of you, just imagine what she’d do behind your back.

Now when it comes to these niggas that sing soft sentimental tunes, you aren’t defenseless. There are several precautions you can take, that will prevent your girl’s favorite artist from coming within 200 yards of her box. Your job is to build a wall around your girl, and keep her out of her favorite singer’s grasp. So if you don’t want those text messages going from, “I Can’t Wait To See You” to “Come Get Your Shit”, follow any of these instructions.

1. Make Her Report All Her Favorite Artists As Spam

Don’t just tell her to block these niggas, make her report them as spam so she knows that shit ain’t a game. Not only her favorite R&B artists either, rappers too. You don’t want ex drug dealers, with shiny chains and big rims contacting your girl b. If she reports them as spam, no follow buttons can be clicked, no @ replies can be seen, and most importantly the opportunity of sending DMs disappears.

2. Make Her Set Her Account As Private

Lock. Her. Shit. Up. Make her put a padlock on her page, and keep those tweets sealed and protected. With a private Twitter page, nobody can see her tweets unless she accepts your follow request. And if she does end up following her favorite artists, who ever follows back private pages? NOBODY. He won’t be able to see any of her tweets, ever. Doing this, the chances of her favorite R&B artist actually following her, are brought down to slim to no fuckin’ way.

3. Make Her Delete Her Twitter

This is when all the chips are down and everything else fails. Ask her to make her whole entire account vanish from the face of the world wide web. This will, without a doubt, put an end to it all. Without a Twitter page, it is physically impossible for any of these verified heathens to come in contact with your woman. Fuck it, if she loves you she’ll do it. And If your girl chooses a social network site over you, she was cheating on you anyway.

You might look insecure, but you shouldn’t give a fuck. Would you rather look insecure in a relationship, or look depressed while your girl’s booking a flight to stay with her favorite R&B singer? Oh aight cool, didn’t think so. Ok, well I’m outta here, Ya’ll be cool how ya’ll be cool. Don’t listen to the Weeknd while your drunk and lonely, and never let a nigga with cornrows babysit your loved ones.

Oh, and remember, it’s ok to cheat on him if he plays NBA 2K on starter mode…..#FACT

Sincerely

RellyOnSmash

 


25 Comments


  1. Good article, but I don’t get why Bloggers think Joe Budden is newsworthy… o__O

  2. I see that iPhone battery is hovering at 33% that’s the danger zone b.

  3. That. Was. Epic.

  4. Option 3 FTW – 100.

  5. How original…

  6. NBA Live created player braids…Ha!

  7. Wenzel Dashington

    that’s an L for Joey! i usually applaud his moves with the thick ones but this was a L! hahaha! then she hit him with the “that’s just treeeyyy” lol best hood soap ever

  8. Relly is a plum FOOL…. LMAO he right though lol

  9. Lol this was classic, but on another note I see where this Joe budden shit is going homie dates the same girls expecting different results Smh that’s the definition of crazy. They be thick tho.

  10. These blogs are killing me. LOL
    It would be time saving to just go and take the third option.

  11. “130 characters of thirst left to use” lmao

  12. hahahaha!! Good article! Young Trey doesn’t do much for me tho..now Idris Elba! Now that’s a whoooole nother story!..lol!

  13. Hilarious!!!! my fav rnb artist follows me…but its Ne Yo… *sigh* lol

  14. The thirst is Real and he better do like Sprite. I know If I had Trey Songz following my thick ass, the cockiness levels would sky rocket.

  15. This article was garbage… What kinda women y’all datin… U just can’t be serious!

  16. Looooove it! lmao @ the ENTIRE thing

  17. Lol I know you’re joking but I sure hope some crazy dude doesn’t read this thinking you’re serious & start that controlling shit…

  18. thanks 4 the plan, time 2 make moves… #foolin

  19. ROTFL @ THIS ARTICLE!!! LOOOOOL!!!

  20. look forward to you listening to the songs

  21. Ok, this article was HILARIOUS! The part about Trey’s NBA Live braids had me weak! With that being said, this article is seriously reaching….reaching to new heights that cannot be touched. I think most women see Trey Songz as a fantasy and not as the real thing. Yeah, we might go crazy for a few minutes but give us time to regain composure and all will be well and normal again. If your girl takes it any further, then you should thank Trey for allowing her true colors to be shown. The reality is, is that if Trey happens to “choose” your girl, he’ll forget about her after the first night. You should say “sianara” because she wasn’t a real woman anyway. Real women, the kind you take home to Mama, don’t sleep around. I believe most women would not jeopardize something real for a one night fantasy.

    Now you men on the other hand, will put your relationships at risk for the redbone hoodrat standing on the street corner. I can’t even begin to fathom what would happen if Beyonce came into the picture (would you even say goodbye? Lol).

  22. ahahahhahaha funniest article ever

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