I Just Got Fired By @MyNameIsFace

December 28, 2012 |  by  |  JACKASSERY, RANDOM  |  4 Comments

I stumbled on @MyNameIsFace timeline via my man @OfficiallyIce tweeting part of the story. I then went and read the story from the jump and began to SCREAM in my apartment. Whether this is real or not? It’s fucking genius. From the storyline, the build up, the incorrect spelling, the emotions, the reactions: PERFECT! I now present to you “I Just Got Fired” by @MyNameIsFace

I’m very punctual so I show up to my new job which started on a Friday, around 8:30. 9 is shift start. I get to know my surroundings for the next 30 minutes. I read my employees handbook while consuming this tasty breakfast pastry.This lovely young tender comes to introduce herself. She welcomes me to the team. Her name was Tiadi. Hashish bitch or whatever. We chop it up, clock in… Next thing u know we sit right next to each other in our cubicle. WIN. Round 10:30 this bitch sent me a note. I opens it up. “Can I suck your dick”. I look up like Sun dun Wtf Wtf. I scribble back “Yes you can” She writes back “cool, parking lot at lunch”. I said Swag. Bitch. My dick hard as Fuck for the next two hours. I be excited. Too much pre nut done leaked out through my slacks.

So I crouch my way to the men’s bathroom and clean myself up. I get in there and I see this guy. He asked me was I on Bobby’s team. I said huh? He said you on bobby team right? Man Bobby ain’t right. He says Watch out for Bobby. That Nigga gone upstairs bruh. I said Haha Aight and he walked out. So lunch time comes. I head to the parking lot. I’m lookin for this sand bitch. I see an SUV, the lights flash. I’m like yea Ho, I jog over. She giggling n Shit. Im trying to open her shirt. See some titties n Shit.

Next thing u know her work badge gets tangled up on her. I look at the badge and its some Nigga with a fade on it. I said why u got another Nigga badge lol. She just giggling. I say hold on bitch And I back up. Who the Fuck is this on yo badge. She still giggling n Shit. I look closer…. “Bobby Tiadi”. My dick goes extra limp. This stupid motherfucker still giggling and Shit. *flashback to bathroom stranger That Nigga Bobby ain’t right bruh. I zip my pants up and try to bail. This ho done locked the do. In this man voice I hear “Where u goin Nigga!” My Survival skills kick in. We get the wrestling and Shit. The truck rocking, alarm going off. Bobby talmbout “Lunch ain’t over. Boy” Grabbing me n Shit. I’m yelling.

A few employees see and hear the truck.They come to my rescue. I’m screaming.This bitch keep grabbing me yelling “LUNCH AIN’T OVER NIGGA!!!” “You goin to jail Fuck boy. I’ll kill yo monkey ass. I’m a real Nigga”. I’m goin crazy. They holding me back bruh. Fuck Nigga tried me. Bout 20 bitches run over to this Bobby Nigga. Wig done came off and all. Stupid Nigga crying n Shit talmbout “I didn’t deserve this” This fat bitch talmbout “what’s wrong Bobby. What did he do to you”. He tried to rape Me. I said Nigga what ? Call da cops. Cops finally show up. Ambalamps and all. They take bitch ass Bobby away. I’m like Nigga I’m the victim!

They walk me to the office n Shit. The managers and da cops grilling me n Shit. “what did you do Ivory” I do Shit. The girl Turnt out to be da boy and tried a real Nigga. “Your first day and we’ve never seen anything like this. Bobby is a great employee,until we get to the bottom of this, we have to let u go” I could’ve eem talk. Just tears rollin down a real niggas face. Big knot in my stomach.

I can’t blee dis Shit. I’m tryin to better myself. I didn’t even get to eat lunch. Fired on my first day. I cry thug tears because I was headed in the right direction. New job, new shoes….I ain’t never got $12 an hour before in my life bruh. It’s all over. I just got off the phone with the temp service and she said they’ll find me somethin Monday. Ima just turn up and celebrate this weekend. Celebrate the temp service not firing me tho. God is good bruh. See yall later. I’m out.

Video: DMX Vs. The Computer

September 19, 2012 |  by  |  JACKASSERY, RANDOM, VIDEOS  |  No Comments

I mean….I just have no words for this right here. But, he did pose as an FBI agent to get out of a speeding ticket so I guess THIS isn’t to far left, right? Undisputed is in stores now.

RESPECT: Power105

Video: Harold’s Chicken Adventures With Cam’ron, Couzin Bang & Kanye West

September 12, 2012 |  by  |  COMEDY, JACKASSERY, RANDOM, VIDEOS, WEBISODES/VLOGS  |  No Comments

This might be the greatest piece of mid-day ratchetness I’ve ever encountered in my blogging career. Notice how a Young Kanye side stepped the shouting matches and let Couzin Bang and GLC handle the dirty work lol. I don’t blame him. And LMAO @ Cam’ron being PUZZLED at the entire story lol. Damn, now I want some Chicken and French Fries. SMH.

RESPECT: MikeyFresh

Video: @KidFury – 5 Things I’m Not Here For

July 25, 2012 |  by  |  JACKASSERY, RANDOM, VIDEOS  |  No Comments

This isn’t music related but then again this is my site so i can post what THE fuck I want lol. Maybe I should do this type of video. And his Watermelon disdain made me die inside just a little bit lmao.

RESPECT: Fury

Video: Mac And Devin’s High School Tips

June 6, 2012 |  by  |  COMEDY, JACKASSERY, RANDOM, VIDEOS  |  No Comments

For the release of their DVD, Mac & Devin Go To High School, Wiz and Snoop give off some helpful tips for the youngsters. Mac & Devin Go To Highschool hits July 3rd.

RESPECT: Cashmere

Video: Best Of Ari Gold: Season 3

April 24, 2012 |  by  |  COMEDY, JACKASSERY, RANDOM, VIDEOS  |  No Comments

Yep, more Ari Gold entertainment! Boy do I miss Entourage!

Video: Cocky 17 Year Old Gets Ruined In A Rap Battle…..By His English Teacher

February 8, 2012 |  by  |  JACKASSERY, VIDEOS  |  No Comments

17 Year Old Blizzard is a MC from Manchester who’s freestyle rap battles have created quite a storm over here in the UK. Well, his next opponent was his English teacher. Yerp, you heard that right. The duo certainly had a few things to say to eachother but the CLEAR winner is the English Teacher who as you’d expect comes through with the dope vocab.

Video: New York Giants – I Got A Ring (He Got One Too)

February 7, 2012 |  by  |  COMEDY, JACKASSERY, LIVE PERFORMANCES, MUSIC, RANDOM, VIDEOS  |  2 Comments

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

Last night I posted the unofficial version of “I Got A Ring (He Got One Too)” via Youtube, but today TMZ comes through with the CRISP CDQ version of it lol. Ahhhh, how sweet it is!! New York Giants, BITCH!!!

RESPECT: TMZ 

Video: So I Played Ball @ Madison Square Garden Last Week……

February 5, 2012 |  by  |  JACKASSERY, RANDOM  |  No Comments

*Disclaimer I scored at the 6:15, blew a lay up at the 7:10 mark, but knocked another jumper down at the 7:28 mark*

Crazy right? A lil ol blogger played a pick up game of basketball last week at Madison Square Garden courtesy of Foot Locker’s #HottestMonthEver campaign showcasing their new fancy footwork for the month of February. The homies, Dallas Pen, Aqua, Jamal, Ron Stew, Jayson Rodriguez and some other cool folks were in attendance as well.

This shit was extra surreal to me because I started out wanting to play in the NBA when I was in grade school. I played ball all the way uo to my last year in high school, but ceased play after I lost love for the game. Regardless, my dream was always to play in The Garden. A nigga was really playing on the same floor Reggie Miller showed the NY Knicks that time is never a factor lol. Where John Starks POSTERIZED the fuck outta MJ and his boys. Man I could go on and on. I’m just very grateful and humbled by the opportunity to even be in the building. They really called my name over the loud speakers! How crazy is that tho??? Big shouts to the great folks over at Foot Locker for allowing me the chance to be apart of this epic day!

Papa LowKey is going to freak when he see’s this shit lol.

RESPECT: Dallas Pen

Video: Grandmother & Grandson Perform Tyga’s “Rack City”

January 4, 2012 |  by  |  JACKASSERY, LIVE PERFORMANCES, MUSIC VIDEOS, RANDOM  |  1 Comment

THIS. IS. FUCKING. HILARIOUS! Despite the lil terd mouthing “Nigger” a couple times, I love this. And the fact he got his Grandmother to dance for 2:31 is EPIC. Not only that but she was COOKING. Looks like you’re a household name now, Tyga.

RESPECT: Tom (You find the weirdest shit, dude)